DEFINATELY NOT MY FINEST HOUR

Who would have ever "thunk" it? Turns out, My Seth, our Bill Miller taco eatin , fishin', huntin', tobacci chewin' son, is a sushi connoisseur.  He continues to surprise his mama. To prove his ability, he treated us to Sushi Zushi, well he didn't actually treat us, we just went as a family and he ordered for us.  My only request was nothing raw.  I'll spare you the details of the report I read of the various things that can grow in stomachs and the removal of these creatures after consumption of bad sushi, my nostrils are flaring and  my lip is curling a little just thinking about it.  

Our food arrived and looked quiet delicious.  There was a sampling of several different types, mostly seafood but some beef for Robin who wasn't quiet "feeling" the whole sushi thing.  The fish ones were my favorite but then I decided I would try one of the beef ones.  I can't really recall much about this one, due to oxygen deprivation, but it had big chunks of beef in it.  I asked if there were knives that went along with the chopsticks but no one responded so i came to the conclusion that I wouldn't need a knife.  THAT WAS ONE BAD CONCLUSION.  As I popped a beef one in my mouth and took a couple of chews, I knew I was in trouble.  The more I chewed, the bigger the occupant of my mouth became.  The card catalog of my mind started its scan, trying to recall what the etiquette books say about spiting half a cow into your napkin at a restaurant and then where to place the napkin.  Do you steal the napkin and hide it in your purse  or do you leave it on the table to gross out the poor guy that has to clean off the table?  I recalled no answer!  So I continued to chew and sweat at the same time, all the while faintly aware of the conversations around the table.  At last part of the chunk separated and hallelujah I was able to swallow that chunk or so I thought.  As the other part continued to grow, this one got stuck in my throat.  I tried chugging my water with no luck.  I wondered if I could find the restroom but I couldn't speak to ask where it was.  My life was flashing before my eyes and my cherished family had no idea what was going on.  And who in their right mind really wants someone to do the Heimlich remover on them in front of everyone, how embarrassing  would that be,  my children would never go anywhere with me again.  I HAD TO GET THAT COW OUT OF MY MOUTH.  I quietly reached for my napkin, covered my mouth and began the extraction process, still wondering what I would do about the one lingering in my air passage.  DISCLAIMER, THIS NEXT PART IS NOT FOR THE WEAK OF STOMACH !!!  So as lady like as possible, not that that is possible, I tried spitting the one piece into my napkin (I'm laughing so hard right now but also grossing myself out all over again).  To that one chunk of spit out beef,gross, was a nasty string of cow gut, sick, or muscle, eww, or whatever it was, disgusting,  still attached to the lodged piece so I had to reach in and pull that out of my almost closed off airway passage and add that to the already full napkin. I warned you. As I sat in silence, holding the napkin in question, the hilarity of the situation hit me and I started laughing hysterically, like the ugly cry but ugly laughter instead.  I had to cover my face with my hands, no napkin,because I knew it was a scary, face contorting, laugh.  My shocked family just stared in question at their mom and wife. Just stared, shocked, afraid...... Alyrose and Cassidy finally joined me in crazy eye watering questioning laughter......guys not so much. 

I'm sorry that you just read much more about me than you ever needed to know.  This was not my finest hour. I also hope it wasn't one of those "you had to be there" stories. I hope that you laughed the ugly laugh because remember LAUGHTER IS GOOD MEDICINE.

LOVE TO YOU ALL